The fact that our team is in the quarterfinals and most Americans are completely oblivious is especially grating to those we have defeated. Yesterday, police had to break up Mexicans who were gathered at the border crossing from El Paso to Juarez, because they were throwing rocks at cars with American license plates – and the Americans had no idea why it was happening!


This is a serious problem. We play an elimination match against Germany on Friday morning. The game starts at 7am EDT, and will be broadcast live on ESPN2. It lasts about two hours. You can afford to be a little bit late for work on Friday. Heck if you’re on the West Coast like me, you can just wake up early and still make it to work on time. But the important thing is that we should celebrate big time in the unlikely event that we win, or we’ll be in big trouble with the Germans – not to mention the Mexicans, who are already on the verge of declaring war. If we lose (which we probably will), we need to be visibly upset at everything German, and crying in the streets. We should all resolve to wear black for a week, and boycott German beer. It's our patriotic duty.


This is the natural order of things – we upset it at our own peril.